Hi, my name is Camila, now answer this questionnaire:
- How old is your daughter?
- Where do you live?
- Are you vegan?
- Does your child nap?
- Do you believe in science?
- Are you a full time mom?
- Do you drink alcohol?
Now let’s go to the park so I can analyze your parenting style while the kids play!!
Girls, imagine if all this was required in order to find a mom to actually click with!! I remember how easy it was for me to make friends before kids, and how complicated it became after kids. Specially with my first born Noah, I remember becoming so neurotic with whoever had the same parenting style as me, or or who would hold him correctly, or who cared for him as I did… I mean, of course some of those worries made sense, but some of them were pretty anxiety driven to say the least, plus those worries were slowly isolating me from the outside world.
You see, I’m an immigrant, married to an also immigrant, my kids were born into a country I did not grow up (America), my parents live in my home country (Brazil); therefore, everyone I know, everything I have built here in America was done with a lot of breaking mental-barriers-ways. When you move to a city/state/country you learn to overcome barriers and fears that you normally wouldn’t if you had stayed in the same place you were raised. I feel the same goes for parenthood. Once you become a parent you change in a way that you break barriers, overcome fears, grow stronger and value life in a sense never once thought about.
Having mom friends is the best once you are a mom! Having a group of friends that comfort me when I feel down about my parenting, is the real thing!! Having mom friends from other cultures open my eyes to what loving a child is about. Having mom friends allows me to relax, laugh, cry, and stay silent when I need it. Lately, I have allowed my self to go out more with friends and be ok with the kids being with dad while I’m out. Since then, I have discovered that I’m not alone on my everyday mom-struggle. Thank God!!!
I really tend to believe that whatever happens to me, happens ONLY with me! Crazy right? But, those thoughts quickly go away once I talk to mom friends on a playdate, kids birthday party or better yet, WhatsApp chat!!! All I know is that once you become a parent you can’t afford being alone! You cant’t afford creating a long list of perfection of who is the perfect parent to be around your kids. Even my introvert hubby learned to be extrovert for the sake of his sanity and our kids!!
I remember one time last year, when a fellow mom invited me to this Brazilian friends playdate and I declined. She invited me once again, and I took some time to answer, she then Facebook chatted with me asking what was going on, and just by the tone of my answer she could tell something was wrong with me. At that moment I felt loved! She is not even my bff, but she was there for me to make me feel better and embraced.
My mom tribe consists of friends from church, social media, park playdates, husband’s job, Brazilian friends, my kids’ school friends and friends of friends!!! I’m telling you, besides being a social butterfly and it’s a must for me to have a tribe to count on everywhere I go!!!
Do you have a mom tribe? If you are reading this you are already part of mine!!