For sure my third baby will be a boy! I mean, if I get pregnant again, according to my mamma gut feelings, I will be pregnant with a baby boy. Last two times I predicted my pregnancy I got them right, so yeah…
This post is dedicated to all the moms out there who mentally struggle with the decision of having a third baby or not… or even having a baby period!
You see, let me remind you that I have a 4 and 3 year old. Noah and Olivia. A boy and a girl. They are each other’s best friend and best gift to each other. In 2 years they will be in the same school studying and watching over each other.
For a few months now I have been struggling with the thought and desire to bring another baby to the mix. Everything about babies make me smile. While on a family vacation, my husband held a baby in his arms and tears came down from eyes!! What? Yes!! And I was not even on my PMS! This is real you guys…
This baby fever seems so real that I don’t want to give my kids’ baby clothes away because I still hope I’ll get pregnant again. I’m 35 years old, a single child, stay home mom and mother of two. Why stop now? I have always dreamed on having a big family since I never had one. Of course my family dynamics are completely different than the one I was raised, and in some parts a bit more difficult too, but hey, why not having another baby, right?
Some days I’m thinking, pregnancy, breastfeeding, diapers, crib, baby monitor, cosleeping, cooing, hospital care, another c-section, home visits, swaddle, big boobs, bikini baby belly, baby moon, wipes, formula, tummy time, baby smell… yes I want it all!!
But some days I’m also thinking, we have no money, babysitter for 3 kids, heavy car seat, stroller for 3 kids, post Partum depression, another c-section, no alone time, no nearby grandparents, no housecleaning, no chef, more therapy… No more babies for me!
If only was easy to tell my uterus, my my heart and bank account that we shouldn’t have a baby anymore… but it’s not. You must be asking yourself now, what about your husband? Well, yeah, my husband already gave me an ultimatum: ENOUGH! For him not having another child is so crystal clear that the man keeps asking me all the time if I took my birth control pills! And that’s because he didn’t have birth twice in two years!! But I guess he did have to deal with a crazy woman on the verge of throwing out the towel…
I know… writing it all down, it seems that I’m answering my own question to my constant question… but it doesn’t make it easier to me when I see families with 3/4/5 kids… I contemplate with the craziness that must be the house and somehow I wish that to myself too. One of the main things that still hold me down from a pregnancy right now is my daughter’s personality. Oli is so sweet, cuddly, nurture and loooves having her one on one with us. I don’t want to make her the middle child and loose that loving connection we have. I’m afraid of not being able to give her my full attention and sabotage our relationship.
I don’t know… it’s such a gray area and it will never exist a right or wrong answer for this matter. I believe that it exists what is good for your family. Maybe I’m even sabotaging myself with the desire of having a baby just to run away from my dreams… after changing diapers everyday for 2 years, my mind makes me believe that I’m just a mom. But am I? Maybe I even forgot who I was before I became a mom…
While the desire for having a third baby does not become true, one thing I know for sure: I’ll be loving and enjoying my two little bundle of blessings that made me who I am today!
What about you? Where are you in your life? Are you happy with 2, 1 or not having kids at all? I would love to hear from you!