Ok, I have to open up with somebody about this break up. No, it has nothing to do with my marriage, although my husband drives me crazy sometimes!! This break up is about the “wonderful world of making friends who are moms”. Does it make sense to you? Unless you are a mom, I’m not sure if you will understand what I mean; either way I’ll be glad to tell you the good, the bad and the ugly about this “world”.
When we moved to Silicon Valley, 5 months ago , we met a really nice couple (Jon and Elaine – fake names of corse) whose daughter was 1 month older than Olivia, I will be calling their daughter Sam. We all enjoyed each other’s company and so did our kids. From this couple we met a few others and within 2 months we all became close enough to start our WhatsApp group of 4 moms. Do you know how difficult it is to meet a mom that has anything in common with you? Do you how difficult it is to get each other’s number? Do you know how difficult it is to have play dates with for your children when you are a stay home mom? I’ll tell you: It is ridiculously ridiculous annoying ridiculous!!!!!! That many times ridiculous!!!
Anyway, Elaine and I had a cool friendship going on, our husbands work in the same field, Olivia is completely in love with Sam, Noah enjoys hanging out with the other kids in the group, we all had trips to Ikea, enjoyed lady’s night out, going out to play dates with our kiddos, etc. Olivia though, would talk about Sam day and night, she would get super excited to meet Sam, and would cry when Sam had to go home.
Now, here comes the nasty part. Twice, I was left out from their plans, even though we have a chat group. Once, I did not let Olivia go to the pool with Elaine because I don’t feel comfortable with letting my children go to the pool or car rides with anybody but me or my husband. That day, I noticed she and the other mom treated me differently. Ladies, we know when there is bad vibe in the air, right? Then, a few days later, the kids and I went to one the mom’s house to watch NBA finals… Boy oh Boy!!! Why did I even give myself a chance to be there!!! ‘Taking a deep breath’… Ok, the moment came when all the women and only my kids were at the room “watching the game” when one of the moms turn to the others, but me, and starts by saying this: “Elaine and X, about that trip we are planning to Disney, I was thinking it would only work out for me in September…” Ladies, they continue to discuss about their trip, and dates, and desires as if I was not there, and as if we were in middle school!!!!!
Now, I’m not a storyteller, and I’m not so good with detailing my emotions in writing, but I can tell you that for me all the friendship and respect I had for those women ended there! I did not need to think twice about it! That was it! The rest of the evening went downhill after that and I was the first to leave.
Once I came home I sent a text to the group chat and left the group. The next day, Olivia asked about Sam… She looked out the window and said: Where is Sam?… And that is when it hit me: I broke up with her mom!! What a terrible mom I am! How could I break up with my daughter’s first and best friend? How could I be so selfish?
Seriously, this is the hardest break up I went through in my life! As a mom you choose/want the best for your children, and the thought of them suffering because of the choices you make, hurts more than anything in the world. After I turned 30, I became so sure of who I am that I don’t have time to take “bullc…” from others! Therefore, when those women made me feel unwelcome I didn’t have to think twice about cutting my relationship with them. However, I forgot that I have two little human beings that are completely dependent on the choices I make…
As for Noah and Olivia, all they know is that we haven’t seen Sam lately… What I do know is that the love Noah and Olivia have for each other goes beyond any “breakup”! Their sibling love daily shows me that they are each other’s first and best friends! It’s really a privilege to witness their friendship, growth and care to each other!
What about you? Did you ever go through a similar experience? I really want to know your thoughts about this topic! 😉
9 thoughts on “The Break Up”
Camillinha, meu amor. Vc fez certo sim. Vc não precisa passar por isso. Vc é uma pessoa muito querida, animada, inteligente, que todos querem ter por perto.
Com relação ao passeio dos seus filhos sem vc, eu tb faria igual. Eu tb não me sentiria à vontade em deixar o meu filho ir à praia/piscina sem mim.
E com relação ao Break up sugiro que vc imagine o mesmo cenário que ocorreu com vc, acontecendo com os seus filhos. Digo, imagina essas senhoras, ou os filhos delas sendo babacas com os teus filhos, na sua ausência, fazendo com eles, o que fizeram com vc.
Acho que vc cortou o mal pela raiz. Vc conhecerá pessoas bacanas à altura de sua família.
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Ai que linda!!!! Ufa!!! Me senti melhor sabendo que tenho um suporte desse igual ao seu Jessica!!! Valeu valeu valeu!!! Obrigada pela visita ao blog e por deixar seu comentário!!! Beijos!!!
Sometimes the best LOVE that you can show your kids is showing them that you have to be strong and value yourself. Obviously they are too young to know that you were disrespected, however, I feel like you should always do the right thing for yourself, and that will also “spill” over onto your kids.
Girl, I have break-ups all the time. LOL 😉
I love it! You’re an amazing mom. And I love your blog too. 🙂 MUAH!!!
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Thank you thank you!!! Girl, this first break up was definitely a bummer, but glad to know I’m not alone and well understood!!! Many kisses to you and your beautiful family!!! 😘
Hey Camila! I have definitely also been through the same thing. I wonder why that happened, I can’t imagine people being so clueless as to not respect a mom’s comfort level when it comes to their children’s safety. Its a big responsibility to take someone else’s kids swimming and keep them safe.
To me, the most important part of finding a tribe of mom friends is knowing we all have the same VALUES. We might not have all the same interests and preferences, but if we have the same values, there will be respect, grace, and understanding. I hope you find a good tribe, I know it can be hard!
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Sabira!!! Thank you my love for your words of encouragement! It feels good to know that I’m not alone in this crazy “mom’s tribe”!!! Kisses!!!
Mãe não se engana! Tem lapsos certos e errados. Mas sempre intuitiva com a Graça de Deus.
E se o coração disse, ouve,atende.
Apesar dele ser enganoso, ele é direção Deus.
Boa Camila!!! Fêz muito bem. O importante é a paz que a decisão lhe traz junto à sua família. Bj
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Ah Celia Maria, você é minha mãe, não vale concordar comigo!!! 😂 brincadeirinha! Obrigada mãe pelo apoio!!! Beijos!!
Kemy, te digo mais: isso é recorrente com que mora fora do país de origem! Sempre converso isso com uma amiga brasileira em Moçambique, quando aquele grupo de mais de 100 mulheres estaria convivendo se não fosse aqui? (Um grupo de 100 mulheres cuja única afinadas comum a todas é ser mulher e não-moçambicana). Tem a ver com isso (se juntar por pseudo- afinidades) e com o fato da educação que os pais brasileiros dão ser bastante diferente de outras nacionalidades (vejo as meninas brasileiras aqui que são mães sofrerem com isso também rs). Você fez certo! E tenho certeza que as crianças superam fácil 😘 Mil beijos, adorei descobrir seu blog!