The Outpouring

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Oh the outpouring of love! I confess that I totally underestimated the power of love, internet, quarantine, support and relatability. As some of you may have noticed, I deleted my last post, ‘The Hard Truth’, in which I spoke about struggles in my marriage, parenthood and acceptance. 

Well, this is how the story of the after- post goes: Husband upset, friends sending supporting messages, my mother super worried, increase of visitors in my page, and my heart overwhelmed with so many responses. Throughout the day ever since I posted my heart out, I received so many messages of friends expressing their love, support and simply telling exemplifying that we are all in the same boat somehow. I couldn’t respond much to all the messages I received because I was always around the kids and I did not want them to see me using the cellphone all the time. Yet, I could see the messages coming. At every message, it was às if I was being hugged and cared by friends that were really there for me. I could feel as if I was not alone and finally somebody heard me! 

There is something about penning your emotions away and letting others know about it that makes you feel that you are not alone in your struggles, or in life for that matter. Through my exposure, I am now sure that marriages aren’t easy. I am now sure that we are all trying our best to fight the good fight. I am now sure that none of us have a perfect recipe of how to juggle motherhood and parenthood. There is a big difference in knowing and living it. Yesterday I lived in the truth of love, friendship and forgiveness.  

Where am I today? I mean, how am I today? I am in an inexplicably better place than I was yesterday!! I actually should say that my husband and I are, together, a better couple than we were yesterday! We talked, we poured our hearts out to each other, we forgave, we spoke truth, we cried, we loved and we reset to a new chapter in our lives. When I exposed myself to all of you, I confessed I didn’t really think about the consequences of where and how the message would get through. The only thing going through my mind was: “Is there anyone out there listening to me?” I really tend to isolate myself in my thoughts and believe that I am the only one struggling with something. This is like the opposite of envy that I can not really explain. When I see someone struggling, I run to help so that person feels relatable, but when it comes to myself, I then think that no one is going through what I go through. Guess what? It’s about time to toss those thoughts away and give way to new and more loving thoughts!

This is the reality I choose to believe today: we are all far from perfect human beings. We are all really trying our best. That will be days of complete joy and days of complete madness; yet please choose to ask for help no matter how you feel because your emotions are deceiving and create lies to you that makes you think that you are invisible! You are not! You are visible, you are loved, you are cared for, you are worth it! 

Sorry, that totally sounded like a cosmetic brand campaign!!!  

Anyways, I deleted my last post in respect to my husband. Even though I don’t mind the exposure, I also think the both of us should have been in agreement with it, and of course we were not. He has his flaws, I have mine. At the end of the day we agreed that we love each other so much that we drive each other crazy enough to keep this beautiful family that we have formed! The best agreement we came up with? He will get up to feed the kids breakfast for a trade for one afternoon nap!! I am winning people!! I get to sleep it off in the morning! 

Thank you! Thank you to my Instagram friends, to my WhatsApp Quarantine Group, to my parents, to my loving husband, to my miraculous children and above all, to my God for always showing up! 

Love,

Camila 

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